He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
