After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
