so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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