I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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