Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
3 2 1 whiskey
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
