dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Randomize
