The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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