I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
