Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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