Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
