im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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