She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Acid is not a monday night drug
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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