I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
