He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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