i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I need a beard to bite.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
