I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
