you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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