He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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