If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
