My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
