wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
