Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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