Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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