No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
