You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
