yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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