just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
