I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize