BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I have peed in a lot of sinks
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
