someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
