Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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