she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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