Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
