I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
