I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
