do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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