UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
