I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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