My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
