so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
