She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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