I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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