I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
