I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
