He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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