somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
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just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
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I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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