I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
