My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My penis needs a shock collar
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
