I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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