she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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