so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
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Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
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I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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