i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
