this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Michael Bay diarrhea
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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