i barfeds in our rink
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
