Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
