she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
