i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
