There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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