You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
