Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
