Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
