I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
