I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Pants are for mortals
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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