if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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