is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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