What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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