Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
3pm strippers are depressing
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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