I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
