3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
