Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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