What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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