How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
