69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
