i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I did not marry a roomba.
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